Wasted Youth: Knight Rider

I know this one is pretty obvious but I don't think many kids of my generation escaped His-Hoff-ness during our childhood. At least the boys I knew all wanted to be Michael Knight and have their own KITT car. My very own talking KITT toy car met its end rolling down a hill on a quiet suburb street in Saint Paul while on fire and loaded up with firecrackers. It was quite spectacular and something I kinda regret now.

We all can thank this show for many of the recent in-car electronic advancements because all those little tikes watching the show are now grownup engineers. I recently when to lunch in my friends new Honda and the Navigation system was extremely KITT like! Now we just need to figure out the auto-drive systems so I can sleep on the way to work.

Brother Can't Drive 55: Eddie Griffin Destroy's Ferrari Enzo

Man I hated Eddie Griffin enough already even before he wrecked this Enzo. This pathetic cold-tires wreck brings the total number of Ferrari Enzo's in the wild down from 400 to 395. My retinas once gazed upon a Red Enzo in person at the Wynn Casino Las Vegas Ferrari dealership and I must say it really is a work of art.

The silly way these Enzo's keep getting destroyed is equitable to someone taking Monet's and Picasso's and letting their children finger paint over them. On the video they should have said, “the Enzo was worth 1.5 million dollars before the crash, but now its insurance value is 1.7 million dollars because of the crash…”. You can not feel too bad for the owner.

I wonder if Eddie qualified for new-car replacement? That’s AllState’s Stand…

Ford Super Duty Recall: No More Flamming Blow-Holes

Not really sure why you would need to recall a vehicle for having such a cool feature! If you ask me, Ford would sell a ton more trucks if they purposely sold vehicles that shoot flames from various parts!

Wasted Youth: The Fall Guy

I have fond memories of several parts of my childhood. The Fall Guy contributed to these memories in many ways whether it be jumping off the highest point of a playground or making model cars blow up and remote control cars go over jumps to their destruction. I wanted to be Lee Majors, stuntman. Here is the first of many revisits to my wonder years.

Hand Made with Love, Just Like Moms Cookies

Very few companies still value hand built merchandise. Ferrari is one of them.

The Peak of Our Civilization: Beer Launching Fridge

There are certain inventions that will someday be a defining moment of our generation, perhaps our civilization. I give you the beer launching fridge.

Pittin' Ain't Easy: Ross Goes to Pitstop School

In a past life I was a crew member for a few different stockcar teams on the NASCAR Autozone Touring Series, a semi-pro racing league built as a feeder series to Nextel and Busch Cup. The most fun part of racing for a crew member, especially a tire changer, is the pitstops. Luckily, we did not have this guy on our team.

Truth In Adver-lying: GM and Toyota Trucks Round 1

A GM higher up limply slaps back at Toyota's new Truck Ads. Not sure if you have seen the ads or the new Toyota Tundra truck. The ads are fluff but I could see them selling a lot of trucks. I mean who wouldn't want to drive up a 10 story seesaw or drive a speeding truck past a closing barricade to the edge of the Grand Canyon's cliff face alla James Bond? Now that I think of it not many, especially once they see how the Tundra scored on crash testing, ...did you want the closed casket pine box for $600 or the nice fire place mantel erne for $450?

The truck itself is very ugly and about the size of a Navy frigate. In all honesty, I'm not sure how many garages it fits in. Anyways Mr. GM writes to his fellow employees in his dealership network and oops... it got leaked out onto the intertubes... (viral counter-marketing??? Maybe so.) Hair pulling expected soon...

Thought you might want to know this. Pass it along to your sales staff. It might help them to sell more vehicles. BTW.....attended the Minneapolis Auto Show kick off breakfast on March 8. Two of our Sandy trainers did a nice job explaining the Tundra ads. I would guess all of you have seen the stupid ad where the Tundra pulls a trailer up a steep grade (a 'see-saw'), and then barrels down hill and locks the brakes up just before the end of the ramp. Seen it? Yeah you have. Couple things to keep in mind. The V.O. at the beginning of the spot says...."It's tough pushing 10,000 lbs up a steep grade". Myth: Toyota would like the audience to believe the trailer is 10,000 lbs. Fact: It's a 5,000 lb truck pulling a 5,000 lb trailer. A little slight of hand? You bet. Then, on the way down the grade, the camera zooms in on the brakes as the vehicles comes to a screeching halt just prior to the end of ramp. Next time you see the ad....look for the 'mice type'. It indicates the trailer is equipped with electric brakes. Fact....the electric brakes stop the trailer -- not the truck. A little slight of hand? You bet.
And why does Toyota have bigger brake pads? They need them....their truck is heavier. Stopping distance between our truck and theirs is virtually identical. And why does Toyota have a 6 speed transmission? To improve their fuel economy....which is still 2 mpg less than ours.
And don't forget....their big V8 has one axle ratio -- a 4.3. Suck fuel much? Our trucks offer several axle options to optimize towing and fuel economy. Bottom line: OUR TRUCK IS BETTER! Spread the word.......we can all make a difference. [NAME REDACTED]

Round 1 complete, no one is really showing any signs of smearing their makeup or coming to tears. But I did think we heard "You bitch!" about ten times. Ooooooww.

Ace Ventura Parking School

The second best automobile show made, Fifth Gear, yes it is completely dominated by the greatest automobile show ever created Top Gear in my and many others humble yet loud opinion, shows us how to park like Ace Ventura Pet Detective.

BTW- I did this twice in my life back in college with reckless abandon in an old 86' Lincoln Mark VII with semi-bald tires. The first time was frickin' sweet, an "I am the Stig" type moment, the second time executed with a slight buzz cost me a new tire and $165 dollars in repair work. So stunt drivers, think you can pull this off?

Welcome to Vivid Assault

Welcome to my new home on the internet, Vivid Assault. This will be a place for me to dump my randomness and assualt your senses. No baby photos, no family stuff, hell it might even be PG13 with strong langauge and some nudity. Then again it might just be the crap that I post that I think is kind of interesting. More of a site from my needs, not yours, a site to let out my inner 18 year-old... but hey Welcome anyway!