Robot Domination Countdown: The Stuff that Nightmares are Made Of

Four legs of creepy robotics.

Finish Him!: The Best Fight Sequence, Shot in One Take

One Take....And Cut.

Freak off the Leash: Tyrrell P34

It's an ugly engineering spectacle that was amazing on the track. Then it was banned.

Robot Domination Countdown: And Then They Learned to Walk

...feel free to be concerned for he human race.

Coast to Coast in 32:07

The records still stands at 32 hours 7 minutes. An attempt was made during the Bullrun this month where they might have broke the 1979 Canonball Race record, still being independently confirmed, but not the 1983 America Expess record.

Wasted Youth: The A-Team

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The A-Team."

This show had more impacts on my youth than I care to admit.

Someone Needs A Hobby: The Fire Machine

A true Rube Goldberg fan.

Peak of Civilization: The Web is Changing Us

Good thoughts from the mind of an Anthropologist.

Around the World in 120 Seconds: 60 Years of Ferrari

Ferrari celebrates their pedigree with Shell in this beautiful ad that was shot in several amazing cities using a vast history of their art and power in motion. It is rumored that this ad rivals a Chanel ad for the most costly ad ever made. They shot in Rome, Monaco, Rio, Sydney, New York, Hong Kong, and London. Turn the sound up to eleven and listen to the symphony of rev-tones spanning 60 years of stallions!

Schizophrenic Music Monger: Room Eleven

Room Eleven is a unique group. They are from Amsterdam and are basically jazz with a bit a bit extra here and there. Their tastefully done cover of Meredith Brooks Bitch is below.

MySpace Page for Room Eleven

Child Exploitation 101: The Landlord

I guess Will Ferrell and his buddy are helping launch a YouTube-like site and this is one of their first short films.

UPDATE: Had to just put the link to the site as the Funny or Die player Autostart=false feature is not working. So much for being like YouTube! Click on the picture to see the video

Talkin' About Senior Citizens

I think old people are kinda cool. I used to teach basic computing at the Senior Center in Eau Claire, Wisconsin and then did a little in home tutoring and consulting of many Seniors interested in learning computers. This world completely under-estimates them. Sure some are set in their ways but a majority are eager to learn new things and share what they have learned too. I'm not sure who learned more during our sessions, but I can tell you computer tutoring for profit is much better when you get cookies and dinners as perks.

BFG: Ode to the Mini-Gun

By far one of the most elite weapons to date, the Mini-Gun is one of the most awe inspiring BFG's ever made. It was made the new-hotness by ARR-NOOLD in the Terminator 2 movie and brought to light again most recently by Jesse James in one of his stunts. Shooting one is on my list of things to do before I die. The rate of fire is...well just look for yourself.

Robot Domination Countdown: Oh No, There goes ASIMO...

ASIMO by Honda is one of the more advanced robots out there today, still does not quit have it all as seen below. But don't poke fun at it as it will soon enslave us all and when it does you might be stuck disco dancing with it.

Robot Domination Countdown: Transformers Trailer

Another teaser trailer for this years upcoming robot blockbuster. I'm starting to get concerned, but still hopeful that it will not suck.

Politics and "Clueless Bozos": Lee Iacocca

These days I am a bit of a fence walker when it comes to politics. I don't like taxes but I also don't like our President that much. Now a guy I do like is car designer, turned super manager, turned CEO, turned spokesman, Lee Iacocca. He has a new book out and therefore is on a press tour and he gets to say things like...

"We've got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car...I hardly recognize this country anymore...George Bush doesn't have common sense. He just has a lot of sound bites...he prides himself on being faith-based, not reality based. If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, I don't know what will."

And he actually supported the Bush 2000 campaign since he is old friends with Dubaya's Daddy, the Big G! If I could choose a second Grandpa he would be it.

Story is located on the Freep.

More on Super Lee and his Iacocca Awesomeness via Wikipedia.

Your Second Amendment Right to Blow Shit Up!

Some might call this a waste of many types of resources, the first one coming to mind is ammo. I would call it a heck of a lot of fun. Each year Dry Creek Arizona and Knob Creek Kentucky have gun shoots that are pretty epic in comparison to shooting at pop cans on Grandpa's back 40 with your pump-up bee-bee gun. Someday before I die my brother Scott and I will attend one of these shoots and yes we will waste a lot of ammo.

Dry Creek, AZ

Knob Creek, KY

Ninja Olympics: The Unscene Events

I know it is a long video but it is worth watching the whole thing. The guy in this contest makes the American Gladiators show look like kids on a playground jungle gym.

Yippee Ki Yay Mother Fucker!: Die Hard(est?) this Summer

In what is sure to remind me just how bad the Die Hard sequels 2 and 3 were, this summer John McClane will be back on the big screen with what looks to be an orgy of impossible action sequences and lucky escapes for the bad ass New York cop. Lucky for me I actually like the character of John McClane that Bruce Willis plays even if the character keeps escaping reality and anything remotely close to possible. But hey, its a movie, its not supposed to be reality is it? Yippee Ki Yay!

Lego My Miller! Lego of it Now!

Lego-bot to pop the top. Tasty for the lazy and weak.

When You Are Too Drunk Too Walk, Might As Well Drive

"Man, I'm too drunk to drive, ...I'll just put on some tunes and sleep it off for a bit... Go Phillies!...(yawn)..Goooo...Phillieeee...Zzzzz...Zzzzz"

Wasted Youth: Knight Rider

I know this one is pretty obvious but I don't think many kids of my generation escaped His-Hoff-ness during our childhood. At least the boys I knew all wanted to be Michael Knight and have their own KITT car. My very own talking KITT toy car met its end rolling down a hill on a quiet suburb street in Saint Paul while on fire and loaded up with firecrackers. It was quite spectacular and something I kinda regret now.

We all can thank this show for many of the recent in-car electronic advancements because all those little tikes watching the show are now grownup engineers. I recently when to lunch in my friends new Honda and the Navigation system was extremely KITT like! Now we just need to figure out the auto-drive systems so I can sleep on the way to work.

Brother Can't Drive 55: Eddie Griffin Destroy's Ferrari Enzo

Man I hated Eddie Griffin enough already even before he wrecked this Enzo. This pathetic cold-tires wreck brings the total number of Ferrari Enzo's in the wild down from 400 to 395. My retinas once gazed upon a Red Enzo in person at the Wynn Casino Las Vegas Ferrari dealership and I must say it really is a work of art.

The silly way these Enzo's keep getting destroyed is equitable to someone taking Monet's and Picasso's and letting their children finger paint over them. On the video they should have said, “the Enzo was worth 1.5 million dollars before the crash, but now its insurance value is 1.7 million dollars because of the crash…”. You can not feel too bad for the owner.

I wonder if Eddie qualified for new-car replacement? That’s AllState’s Stand…

Ford Super Duty Recall: No More Flamming Blow-Holes

Not really sure why you would need to recall a vehicle for having such a cool feature! If you ask me, Ford would sell a ton more trucks if they purposely sold vehicles that shoot flames from various parts!

Wasted Youth: The Fall Guy

I have fond memories of several parts of my childhood. The Fall Guy contributed to these memories in many ways whether it be jumping off the highest point of a playground or making model cars blow up and remote control cars go over jumps to their destruction. I wanted to be Lee Majors, stuntman. Here is the first of many revisits to my wonder years.

Hand Made with Love, Just Like Moms Cookies

Very few companies still value hand built merchandise. Ferrari is one of them.

The Peak of Our Civilization: Beer Launching Fridge

There are certain inventions that will someday be a defining moment of our generation, perhaps our civilization. I give you the beer launching fridge.

Pittin' Ain't Easy: Ross Goes to Pitstop School

In a past life I was a crew member for a few different stockcar teams on the NASCAR Autozone Touring Series, a semi-pro racing league built as a feeder series to Nextel and Busch Cup. The most fun part of racing for a crew member, especially a tire changer, is the pitstops. Luckily, we did not have this guy on our team.

Truth In Adver-lying: GM and Toyota Trucks Round 1

A GM higher up limply slaps back at Toyota's new Truck Ads. Not sure if you have seen the ads or the new Toyota Tundra truck. The ads are fluff but I could see them selling a lot of trucks. I mean who wouldn't want to drive up a 10 story seesaw or drive a speeding truck past a closing barricade to the edge of the Grand Canyon's cliff face alla James Bond? Now that I think of it not many, especially once they see how the Tundra scored on crash testing, ...did you want the closed casket pine box for $600 or the nice fire place mantel erne for $450?

The truck itself is very ugly and about the size of a Navy frigate. In all honesty, I'm not sure how many garages it fits in. Anyways Mr. GM writes to his fellow employees in his dealership network and oops... it got leaked out onto the intertubes... (viral counter-marketing??? Maybe so.) Hair pulling expected soon...

Thought you might want to know this. Pass it along to your sales staff. It might help them to sell more vehicles. BTW.....attended the Minneapolis Auto Show kick off breakfast on March 8. Two of our Sandy trainers did a nice job explaining the Tundra ads. I would guess all of you have seen the stupid ad where the Tundra pulls a trailer up a steep grade (a 'see-saw'), and then barrels down hill and locks the brakes up just before the end of the ramp. Seen it? Yeah you have. Couple things to keep in mind. The V.O. at the beginning of the spot says...."It's tough pushing 10,000 lbs up a steep grade". Myth: Toyota would like the audience to believe the trailer is 10,000 lbs. Fact: It's a 5,000 lb truck pulling a 5,000 lb trailer. A little slight of hand? You bet. Then, on the way down the grade, the camera zooms in on the brakes as the vehicles comes to a screeching halt just prior to the end of ramp. Next time you see the ad....look for the 'mice type'. It indicates the trailer is equipped with electric brakes. Fact....the electric brakes stop the trailer -- not the truck. A little slight of hand? You bet.
And why does Toyota have bigger brake pads? They need them....their truck is heavier. Stopping distance between our truck and theirs is virtually identical. And why does Toyota have a 6 speed transmission? To improve their fuel economy....which is still 2 mpg less than ours.
And don't forget....their big V8 has one axle ratio -- a 4.3. Suck fuel much? Our trucks offer several axle options to optimize towing and fuel economy. Bottom line: OUR TRUCK IS BETTER! Spread the word.......we can all make a difference. [NAME REDACTED]

Round 1 complete, no one is really showing any signs of smearing their makeup or coming to tears. But I did think we heard "You bitch!" about ten times. Ooooooww.

Ace Ventura Parking School

The second best automobile show made, Fifth Gear, yes it is completely dominated by the greatest automobile show ever created Top Gear in my and many others humble yet loud opinion, shows us how to park like Ace Ventura Pet Detective.

BTW- I did this twice in my life back in college with reckless abandon in an old 86' Lincoln Mark VII with semi-bald tires. The first time was frickin' sweet, an "I am the Stig" type moment, the second time executed with a slight buzz cost me a new tire and $165 dollars in repair work. So stunt drivers, think you can pull this off?

Welcome to Vivid Assault

Welcome to my new home on the internet, Vivid Assault. This will be a place for me to dump my randomness and assualt your senses. No baby photos, no family stuff, hell it might even be PG13 with strong langauge and some nudity. Then again it might just be the crap that I post that I think is kind of interesting. More of a site from my needs, not yours, a site to let out my inner 18 year-old... but hey Welcome anyway!